Monday, October 16, 2017

Me Too

If you somehow don't know what that means this week let me explain. This has been circulating around Facebook, and I imagine other places as well.


I saw this yesterday.

My first thought: I feel so lucky that I can't say "Me too."

Second thought: What are you talking about?! You totally have experienced this.

Third thought: That wasn't really sexual assault. Not compared to what others have experienced.

Fourth thought: Maybe that is part of the problem? Have you been so completely socialized to excuse this behavior that you don't even recognize it in your own life?

So here's my story:

I was eighteen coming back home from my three day college orientation on an Amtrak bus. There was a guy that I ended up sitting next to - he was cute, and definitely friendly. He made the long bus ride pass so much more enjoyably!

After blatantly flirting for probably two hours, he asked me for my number. I gave it to him. Honestly, I don't know if I liked him. I remember wanting to experience dating life! I was eighteen.

He invited me to a neighborhood barbecue. He said there would be 30-40 people there are absolutely great food! I believe there was mention of tri-tip - a personal favorite of mine! I was very excited about the whole event.

Only, when I arrived there was no one there except him. And there was certainly no barbecue.

It took maybe five minutes before he tried to kiss me. I turned my head and he kissed my cheek. Only later it turned into my neck, and his hands were everywhere. And when they tried to go under my shirt I pushed his hands away, but I stopped resisting the attempted kisses hoping that would placate him.

Saying no never felt like it was an option as I was so scared. And he didn't understand my twisting away or the dodges. Or if he did, he didn't care.

His mother and sister arrived home at some point. And I was so relieved. So relieved that we were not alone.

Except they were quick to leave us alone again, and I was back to dodging kisses. At one point I claimed I needed to use the bathroom. And I cried softly trying to be quiet - I felt guilty, dirty, and ashamed. But more than that I felt trapped.

His mother made us some food, and then I asked to be taken home. He tried to convince me to stay, but I insisted I needed to go back home. I don't remember what my excuse was. His mother drove us.

I do remember that when I got home - hours before anyone expected me - that no one was home and that the doors were locked. His mother seemed concerned that I was locked out of the house and wanted to wait with me. I was more terrified of him staying with me. So I pretended that my parents were just out in the back carport. And waved them away.

I was so relieved when they left.

Then I sat on the back steps and just cried some more.

Suddenly, I didn't want to date anyone anymore. It didn't seem exciting. I didn't even want to answer the phone because he kept calling.

I also clearly remember the first time a someone confided a rape story to me. I related so much to everything she said. Because all the feelings were the same, including the guilt - we were both convinced it was our fault. Because we should have said no, and we didn't. Both felt unclean and spoiled for weeks afterwards.

I didn't tell her my story though.

I couldn't.

Mine wasn't really sexual assault.

Except that it was, but I don't think I realized that until yesterday.

Friday, July 14, 2017

I Built This!

Last week, I finished my three weeks at the Exploratorium's Teacher Institute. And now I have all these toys that I made to play with, that I thought I might show off! If you want more detailed explanations or plans for how any of this works or how to build your own, let me know!


Project #1: The Visual Vocalizer 
Basically, you place a laser pointer (which I didn't have the day I took this picture) in the open tube at the top. It shines down on the little mirror. You speak into the canister at the bottom, which causes the membrane stretched over the tube to vibrate. This is turn causes the laser beam to vibrate, which projects various shapes onto the wall. It works best if you are loud and use a low pitch. Looks something like this on the wall: 


This project was surprisingly easy! And the most importantly, I learned to cut and connect PVC pipe, which means I can now make just about anything!! Well... almost!

I think it will serve as mostly a prop in my classroom - something for me to show that sound causes vibration, and then after that they can just play with it!

Project #2: The Fan Cart
So, you're on a quest to save world! And you have to cross this really big lake. Like so big, you can't swim across it! But you come across this rickety raft. It even has a sail! And you just happened to stumble upon this giant leaf thing. And you figure you can drive the raft by fanning wind into its sails! That makes so much sense right?! Link sure seems to think so!

Turns out, we can test this idea!!

Here's a little cart. It has a sail and a little battery powered fan. And you can turn the fan on and watch the cart go no where really fast! (video below).

However, we made both the sail and the fan removeable. If you take the sail off it'll work! So Link really should just find a raft without a sail, and he'd be much better off with his giant leaf.

Or you can remove the fan (so that it's not part of the cart system) and leave the sail attached and that will work too! So if it's windy, the sail might be useful.


The video is not of best quality - I was being lazy, but you get the idea! 

This project looked deceptively simple. But it had so many tiny pieces! Had to learn to use a band saw and a drill press. As well as how to hold a non symmetrical fan blade completely still to widen it's pivot hole to fit our tiny motors. It was even difficult to figure out how to get the faucet washers inside the CD!

Project #3: The micrometer!
This one may not look like much, and it's pretty annoying to calibrate (but pretty easy to just take the initial error into account), but it can measure the thickness of a piece of paper or a single hair! Each number on the dial is 10 micrometers (10^-5 meters). It's constructed entirely of common household objects. The hardest part was getting the zip ties tight enough.


Project #4: Poor Man's Turn Table
You only need a sharp pencil, a pin, a piece of paper, and some tape. Of course you have to be pretty good about turning it manually at thirty revolutions per minute (or whatever your record calls for), but hey, you can hear the music! Practice a lot and it might even sound the way it's supposed to!




Project #5: Simple Electric Motor
I actually already knew how to make these, but this was a lesson in how to make it cheap. This involves using a paper cup, two magnets (one on the inside of the cup - not shown), a coil of copper wire, two paper clips, tape, and aluminum foil (for the school that cannot afford alligator wires). Look at it go!


Project #6: Stop Motion Videos! 
So, this didn't exactly involve building anything, but we definitely created some content! It's a cute way to animate something that is difficult to visualize. Goodness knows, I can never find the exact video that I want to show something. But depending on what you're doing, it can take about an hour to make a ten second video, so it's not practical to use consistently in my presentation to students.


First video - no editing really. Just took a bunch of pictures and strung them together. 



Final Project: with just a little sound editing, it becomes disgustingly cute! 

Instead of using this to illustrate concepts, it was suggested that we use this as an assessment tool. Have students create a project that shows whether or not they understand a concept. We were asked to create a video that showed something moving at a constant speed, then accelerating, and then decelerating. The whole video is 4 seconds long! Super easy to assess. And you know students would get into it!!


You could have students illustrate or animate various processes or cycles or whatever! Meiosis comes to mind for some reason.

Anyway, it's nice to have some time off now. Of course, now I'm mostly just working on curriculum writing homework for an online course I'm taking, so it still doesn't feel like a vacation yet. But hey, at least I get to stay up and sleep in as long as I want.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Remembering the Student Experience



In my quest to obtain continuing education units, I applied for and was accepted into the Exploratorium's three week Teacher Institute! It's all about increasing engagement and curiosity in the classroom through inquiry activities. I describe it as science summer camp for teachers!

And seriously, I come home every day gushing to my husband about what we did and what I learned. I very much feel like a kid on Christmas morning running around with a bunch of new toys! The first week has focused a lot on perception (it's really flawed if you didn't already know), light, and optics. And just in the first two days I got to experience half a dozen activities that could have been beautifully integrated into my concluding unit this past year - would have made for a more student centered experience (something I always endeavor to do!).

We started with rainbows. Rainbows are easy enough to create with a flashlight and a prism, or better yet, sunlight shining through a window covered in diffraction grating (it's not that expensive).

There wasn't really an objective. Just a rainbow on the ground, white paper, markers of various colors, and directions to see what we could figure out. We drew squiggles and happy faces!

And when you drag a red object (or picture) through the spectrum, it looks red when you're in the red to yellow part of the spectrum, but when you get to green it turns black. And then when you arrive at violet it looks red again!

But the most exciting discovery was highlighters! I won't completely spoil it for you. Watch this video. (Videos definitely work in Chrome, but maybe not in Safari. I didn't test it in Firefox).


Isn't that cool?! The highlighter is not just a pigment that absorbs light! It is also an emitter of light if it gets excited enough! So it glows when you get to cyan or so! This helps it be more visible when you're reading in natural lighting.

Another cool thing - that's hard to see here because there are other sources of light in the room - but the highlighter continues to glow even after you move past the violet part of the spectrum!

Do you know what that means?! I have evidence that the spectrum continues beyond what I can see!!

And the most brilliant thing about this whole activity was there were no explanations of pigments, or light spectra. Just questions - what do you see? What does that tell you? What conclusions can you come to?

The explanations came later when we were all invested in understanding. Now of course, we were a group of science teachers who are definitely motivated to understand the natural world around us, and a significant majority of the group already understood exactly what was happening. But the point is to create a situation where students want to understand - that students are demanding answers.

More often than not questions were just answered with a, "I don't know. Let's try it and see!" or a "We have that exhibit!" (How cool would it be to just teach physics with an entire museum right behind you?!)

Then there was this gem:


What is that look like its a picture of? I mean, how many mirrors do you see?

There's only two. It's a plane mirror (regular old mirror) standing in front of a concave mirror. And the small one you can see is not actually there - it's just a reflection. But it's a reflection that looks like its actually there floating in three dimensional space in front of you. Your eyes can't tell the difference (and standing in front of it is eerie!).

So what did we do? We walked through the image of a mirror of course and then kept going past the focal point of the concave mirror. Here's another video. The camera shows exactly what I could see as I moved through it.


So what was the point of this other than being impressive? Well, we were learning to draw ray diagrams in actual space with metersticks. Of course we didn't call them ray diagrams until after the activity. But then when you teach students to draw ray diagrams they suddenly have a much better concept of what those ray diagrams represent. (And now I really really want to teach optics again!)

I figure I can make a small version of this two. Just need the two different types of mirrors, though a concave mirror might be a bit pricey... And an Alice in Wonderland Action figure of course! Or maybe a white rabbit!

We spent much of the week talking about the eye - how it works, how it receives and interprets signals, and how it lies to us. So then, what's the next step? Let's dissect an eye of course! Yes, this is physics, and not biology, but we can find the actual lens in an eye and demonstrate that it works the same way a glass lens does. We can show you that the little black dot in the center of your eye is actually just a hole behind the cornea that dilates to allow light to enter. We can find the iridescent screen on the back of the eyeball where images are projected.



 Yeah, okay that's kind've gross. But in a really interesting kind of way!

Now, I haven't really learned any new physics myself in this program (which I assume is a good sign!). Really, I've just been learning how to show the phenomena in really simple ways so students can see and experience it. Or in some cases, how to build something that can show the phenomena (I've learning to use power tools and cut PVC pipe! But I'll maybe talk about that another day!)

It's been fun and exciting! And that sense of awe and amazement is something I feel like I haven't experienced inside the classroom in awhile. I have seen it in students and I always enjoy inspiring that feeling in others, but it feels good to be reminded of what that feels like myself too.

At the end of the day, we have to choose from three electives. And choosing is hard! There have been several days where I really wanted to go to two topics, and another day where I didn't really want to go to any of them. And I found myself wondering, should I go to the workshops on topics that I can incorporate most easily into my physics classroom and curriculum? Or should I go to the workshops where I'm the most personally curious? Go to the biology and chemistry workshops where I don't already know all the science?

I eventually came to the conclusion that I probably should participate in some of both! I want the activities to bring to my classroom, but I also want to be excited about learning cool science!

Friday, I decided to go the the Etching workshop. Etching refers to printing or engraving a design or pattern onto an object. We were specifically learning how to remove the topmost layer of a piece of stainless steel using a saltwater solution and a battery. This is actually a chemistry topic, but I wanted to learn how to etch! Sounded artsy! The technique is pretty simple!

First you put your design on the piece of steel. We used electrical tapes and/or paint pens to put designs onto dog tags.


We used a 9 Volt battery and connected the positive terminal to the piece of steel and the negative terminal to the end of a q-tip. The q-tip is saturated in the salt water (we used pickling salt, which is pure NaCl and apparently works better). Then you basically just dab around the edges of your design. It will sizzle and the q-tip will turn yellow/black, which is the metal you have removed. This apparently also releases small amount of chlorine gas so you should do this in a big room with open windows or good ventilation.


Then we rinsed it off and then took of the electrical tape or scraped off the original paint.


And that is permanent! And a very cool addition to my key chain. Not to mention an awesome activity to take to my nieces and nephews this summer!

Then they got to the explanation of why this happens. I was following initially, but very quickly I got lost. The presenter had assumed that his audience was very familiar with the periodic table and how various elements were likely to react or not. And that was honestly an excellent assumption! The room was full of chemistry teachers (and physics teachers that remember more chemistry than I) that were nodding along and asking very detailed follow up questions that I also didn't understand.

Which only made the next part of the activity - an exploratory part where we tested if the reaction would still occur with various other chemicals - that much more intimidating. And I found myself deferring to the others about what chemicals we chose and how much water to add. I had to confirm every choice not because I wanted to include my partners, but because I doubted myself. And honestly, I wasn't really interested in the outcome. I just wanted to keep making additional dog tags.

When we were debriefing the second half of the activity I thought about asking a question to take us back a little further to my basic chem knowledge to help me bridge the gap, but it was three o'clock on Friday and I was tired! And it's not like it mattered because I don't even teach chemistry! And if later the nieces and nephews had questions I could definitely look it up and take as much or as little time as I wanted learning about the reaction. Then my phone buzzed three times in the space of two minutes and I really really wanted to know what it said. So, I did what any good high school student would do! I grabbed my phone and excused myself to the bathroom.

On the way to the bathroom, I started laughing - only in that moment realizing how quickly I had disengaged from a lesson that I was not understanding. At how quickly my mind had moved on to my social connections and when I was going to get to leave for the day (3:30). I wanted to avoid, or at least post pone, the whole thing entirely.

In reflection, this was probably one of the most valuable experiences as it is so easy to get frustrated with a student that I know is capable and, from my perspective, just not trying or staying focused. How easy it is to be intimidated when surrounded by others that have more knowledge than you. And how exhausting it is when for every hour of every day you have to learn something new, when you aren't in control, and you don't know what is going to happen.

It is fun and exciting at times! And other times it is beyond stressful or discouraging or in some moment even boring.

But in any of these scenarios, it is always mentally exhausting!


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Secret to Gluten Free Cookies!


Going gluten free was not easy - and the first month or two were definitely the hardest. I literally starting crying at a restaurant when I couldn't have their sourdough French toast! (I was pregnant at the time, so cut me some slack!) I missed it so much! And a month in, I was literally dreaming of cupcakes on more than a few nights. I was miserable. But it got easier, and a big part of it getting easier was learning how to bring treats back into my life.

And if you have chosen a gluten free lifestyle, or a gluten free lifestyle was forced upon you as was the case in my world, I would like to share some wisdom I actually stumbled upon.

I spent three months one summer in college perfecting my chocolate chip cookie recipe. Needless to say, the gluten free version took longer than that. Gluten free baking is beyond tricky to figure out, but not difficult at all to do once you know how it works.

With gluten free cookies you usually get cookies that are crispy and hard (and not bad if that's the kind of cookie you like) or grainy and crumbly and okay I guess, but they often don't compare to their gluten filled counterparts. I found myself missing the chewy cookies in particular, so I was determined to figure it out. And I stumbled onto a technique totally on accident that seemed to solve this problem.

So here's my recipe and my accidental secret technique for non grainy gluten free chocolate chip cookies:
You will need the following ingredients (makes about 24 cookies depending on how big you make your cookies):
1 stick (1/2 cup) of butter
3/8 cup white sugar
3/8 cup packed brown sugar*
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 and 1/4 cup all purpose baking gluten free flour (I have lots of thoughts on GF flours after the recipe)
Chocolate chips to taste! (Like 1/2 cup - 1 cup)
Another 3 tbs of gluten free flour to be used later.

You don't have to let the butter soften, but I recommend it. The dough will come together way faster if you do. Cream the butter with the white and brown sugars. When it is uniform in texture, add the egg and the vanilla. Mix again until uniform in texture.

You are supposed to add the salt and baking soda to the 1 and 1/4 cup of flour before hand, but I'm usually reluctant to dirty the extra bowl, so I typically add the salt and baking soda to the dough mix right after the egg and vanilla and have not noticed any problems with this.

Then add the 1 and 1/4 cup of flour and mix until uniform in texture. Then add the chocolate chips and mix until uniformly distributed.

If you're impatient like me and unwilling to wait, you'll want to bake them now right? But if you do, you end up with flat crumbling cookies that are grainy in texture. If you want those chewy cookies again, you must be a bit more patient (and go through a few extra steps).

The next step is to chill the dough. I don't know how long. Probably at least three hours, but I usually wait over night. The dough has to be hard as well as cold.

Then take the dough back out and add 3 more tablespoons of gluten free flour. The dough has to be cold when you do this. If you let it warm back up to room temperature it will not work (you'll still get grainy crumbly cookies). You can let the dough soften a bit, but not for longer than 20 minutes - it has to be cold (maybe less in the summer). It's a bit challenging to work in the extra flour when it's still hard, so typically I first break up the dough by scraping it up from the surface of the bowl and break it apart into chunks. Then I coat these rock looking pieces with the extra flour and use the back of a spoon and press the flour into it. I continue to do this until I can no longer see any external flour and the dough is worked back into one mass without any flour at the bottom of the bowl.

Chilled dough.
Chilled dough broken into pieces
Coated in flour
Pressing the flour into the dough.
Holding the spoon in a fist works better.
All worked back together.

You can bake the cookies now. Or you can allow the dough to rise to room temperature (helps with baking times). Also, at room temperature you may notice that the dough has a stretchy quality it didn't have before you added the flour to the cold dough. Or you can bake some now, and refrigerate the rest later. When you pull it out of the fridge the second time the dough is still fine for chewy non grainy cookies - you don't need to add more flour to it.

Stretchy quality

Ready to bake!
I usually bake my cookies for 10 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit until the golden brown just starts to creep over the edges to the top. Once the golden brown edges show up I switch the oven to Broil, and broil the cookies for somewhere between 30-90 seconds (I'm usually watching them through the window or opening the door every 30 seconds) to get the tops golden brown as well without burning the bottoms. But I have learned that the initial baking time varies a lot based on how big you make the cookies! Can be anywhere from 7-13 minutes. For really large cookies I have noticed it is best to pre flatten the cookies so they bake more evenly.

Then you have a bunch of amazing cookies that you can give to people or horde completely to yourself. Most of my friends don't realize they're gluten free until they realize I'm eating one too! Yay!!



Gluten Free Flour
This recipe and technique will work with any old all purpose gluten free baking flour you can buy at the store. I have made these cookies with two or three different brands and it's always still worked if you add the extra flour to the chilled dough. I typically don't use the pre-packaged flours though because they are a) more expensive, and b) they are still more grainy so if I'm in a rush and don't have time to chill my dough, my cookies come out even more grainy! Bleh!

Possible container for GF flour
OXO Good Grips
Bought mine from Bed, Bath, and Beyond
So I make my own gluten free flour from a blend of various other flours. It's cheaper and better quality (though not as cheap as wheat flour, but I can't eat that so...). And so far, I'm typically able to substitute it cup for cup for baking, frying, and sauces (like when making a roux) without any issues!

I used to hate making my own gluten free flour because it took forever to measure using the measuring cups and I always spilled some of my ingredients and felt frustrated by that. But then I realized that I could convert it to weight measurements. Now I just throw my flour container on the kitchen scale and just pour in the ingredients to the right number (zeroing the scale between ingredients). Once they are all in - I seal it closed, shake it up a lot and let entropy do its job! It takes less than five minutes and one batch usually lasts a month or so (depending on how much baking we do).

Gluten Free Flour Blend Recipe 
(originally from Carol Kicinski - I just converted it to weight measurements):

441 grams (4 and 1/2 cups) white rice flour - get a superfine blend OR buy it from an Asian market - far cheaper at an Asian Market. The regular blend is grainy!! I hate grainy!!

162 grams (1 and 1/2 cups) Glutinous Rice Flour (or sometimes sweet rice flour) - this flour is unfortunately named - there's no gluten in it - it's just really sticky and that where it gets its name. (Again get superfine or from an Asian Market).

316 grams (2 cups) potato starch (this is NOT the same thing as potato flour). This is actually your most expensive ingredient as far as I can tell. I have only found it at Whole Foods. That's probably the problem...

112 grams (1 cup) tapioca starch (this IS the same thing as tapioca flour). You can find this far cheaper at an Asian market as well - usually right next to the rice flours!

9 grams (4 tsps) of xanthum gum. Xanthum gum may seem more expensive than the potato starch, but you use so little of it each time, one bag will last me a year or more. It is recommended that you refrigerate it though.

Mix it all together! (or shake it all together in your awesome GF flour container!) And you can have cookies and cupcakes again! It also fries really really well.

Please note, that gluten free flour is NOT better for you just because it is gluten free. In fact, it is usually higher on the glycemic index meaning if you're diabetic or pre-diabetic this stuff is worse that processed white flour. But we're making cookies, so I figured you were not looking for healthy.

*When it comes to brown sugar, what type you use will change the flavor and texture of your cookie slightly. Dark brown will make for a chewier cookie with more depth of flavor. I want to say it tastes a bit more like maple, but there's no actual maple, so this is slightly inaccurate - it tastes more like whatever they add to the brown sugar to make it brown - some kind of syrup probably. Light brown sugar creates a lighter more airy cookie, with a lighter flavor. Golden brown is the middle of these, and is actually my least favorite - like it's the worst of both worlds or something. But really, even with golden brown, cookies are always still delicious!

Monday, June 12, 2017

Why?

So why did I make another blog?

I really like to talk! And I have so many random thoughts about every topic under the sun! And when they drive me crazy the best way to get them out of my head is to write them down.

And I have really enjoyed my experience with blogging about my experiences as a special needs parent, but that blog is dedicated to my son and our journey together. I honestly don't want to clutter it up with anything else that would most likely only serve to distract someone who needs to find and read that story.

Here, I will talk about other things in order to express myself in other aspects of my life (there are actually other aspects of my life - as hard as that may be for some of you to believe).

Other topics may include:
1) Being a girl.
2) Gluten Free Fooding!
3) Fan Fiction and writing!
4) Storytelling in various mediums (games, movies, books, etc.)
5) Education and Teaching.
6) Probably social justice issues.
7) Science!
8) Maybe some politics if I really need to get something out of my head.
9) Documenting any and all of my random adventures.
10) Being a nerd. (Really, this probably encompasses everything above).

So, you know - whatever I want! There doesn't have to be a theme!

Or rather, the theme is Kari!